plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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