when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
