I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
