i can't believe i had my finger in that
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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