watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
