Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
