first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
