just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
