Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
