fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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