Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
