so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And then my night got REAL pukey
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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