im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
