how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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