I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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