So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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