A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
