So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
