Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
