I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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