Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
soo... how was my night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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