apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
