So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
