She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
