Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
