just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
