he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sober January is a disaster.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
