dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
