I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
