i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
