My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
