i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
