you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
