i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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