Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
