You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
