I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
only if we run a train.
done.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
