i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
