Someone shit on the floor
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need moral support for this bender
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
