Got a toothbrush?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
