he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
