There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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