If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
