I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
