I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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