She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
