He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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