I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
