Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
