I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
